The Grill party was in full swing, the host, Charlie, left the grill for a

couple of minutes to get some marinated fish from the refrigerator. When he got

back, he was dismayed to find one of his guests, Hank, flipping the steaks on

the grill. Fuming, Charlie grabbed the fork from Hank and hissed "never use a

fork to flip meat". He picked up the spatula and said angrily "this is what a

proper grilling chef uses". Needless to say, Hank was never invited to one of

Charlie's cookouts again. He violated one of the rules of grilling - never touch

your host's grill, even if you are trying to be helpful.

But before you find out how to avoid what happened between Hank and Charlie,

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In our society there are written rules and there are unwritten rules. The

unwritten ones usually relate to the way to behave in the company of others and

will differ from region to region and from one sub-culture to another

sub-culture. So, if they are unwritten, how does one find out? Unwritten is not

a literal term, it really indicates that the rules of behaviour have not been

set out in some form of law. So you can find out by reading around, by talking

to others and by observing the behaviour of others in social situations. Also,

just apply common sense, for example, if Hank had thought about things more

carefully, he would have realised that what he did was a breach of etiquette -

if you were invited to dine at a neighbor's house, you would not even consider

going to the kitchen and taking over the cooking!

So what other unwritten rules apply to backyard grill parties of tailgating

parties? Firstly, one cause of angst is should you invite your neighbors. The

answer is "only if you really want them to be there". Truth is they may not

really want to come but feel obligated because you, their neighbor, asked. A lot

of it will depend on how well you know them and your relationship with them.

Secondly, as you are the chef, you should try to get the timing right. It is not

always practical to get the food ready for everyone at the same time, there may

not be room enough for everything on the grill. Do at least try to get as much

of the food ready at the same time, it is bad form to have most of the guests

waiting round for the food to cook. The solution is easy. If you have a lot of

guests - get a bigger grill or get a second grill. Finally, it is almost

inevitable that someone at your grill party will be a vegetarian so always have

something for people who eat neither fish nor meat. You can always check with

guests a few days before to see if they eat meat and fish or neither.

If you are going to a cookout, here are a few things to bear in mind. It is

generally acceptable to take your own barbecue sauces, everyone's taste is

different, but take enough for yourself plus a bit more so that others can try

it if they want to. Generally speaking, the host will provide the food but any

extra sides will always be welcomed. You could always check with the host a

little in advance to find out if you are expected to take your own main. If you

are vegetarian, then asking the host if they would like you to provide your main

will always be appreciated, especially if they are not used to catering for

vegetarians. The same sort of thing applies to beverages, the host will

inevitably supply some but any extra will always be welcome. If you are

attending a communal barbecue, never flip someone else's meat or fish unless you

have asked them beforehand. They know exactly how they like it cooked, you do

not. Lastly, the nature of grilling means that not everyone's food will be ready

simultaneously. It is perfectly acceptable to begin eating even if others do not

yet have their food. If you wait for the others, yours will be cold.

Infringements of grilling etiquette will not cause WW3 to break out but it

could cause some complaining. But now you have read this article, the complaints

will not be about you!

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